Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel,
“My way is hidden from the Lord, and my right is disregarded by my God”?
Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He does not faint or grow weary; his understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength.
(Is 40: 26-29)
I had called a good friend to literally cry on her shoulders. I sobbed these words to her: “I feel like Job. But I am nobody special. I asked God why are His arrows pointed at me when I am nobody special?” Her answer was, “Lynette, God is building His church and the evil one does not want His church built, so He will attack us.” She prayed with me, after encouraging me with words that indicated that she truly understood my situation, and promised to keep praying for me.
We, my husband and I, had moved into a basement apartment in Ottawa for a 2 1/2 week period, so that he could explore job opportunities on moving back to Ontario.
We had been in Pittsburgh for almost 3 years while Tim was in Seminary, and had hoped to continue living in the US. Our church had made application for the relevant change in status for us to stay but the Immigration had turned it down. He had also hoped to pass the Fall denominational oral exams to allow him to accept a position as pastor of a church, but was unsuccessful in one of the exams, now, to be taken in the Spring of 2019.
We had been packing for the last month, and here we were – in a lovely, bright, basement apartment in Ottawa, but it was a cold one. Added to that, I was lying on the couch on my heat pad, because the mattress was not quite the best one for my back. After the first night, my back was unhappy and by the 2nd night, it was screaming out for attention bringing me to tears on Tuesday morning.
We found a Chiropractor who helped, but it was not a miraculous healing. I was lying around on the couch like a ‘bump on a log’ feeling very sorry for myself and shamelessly using Netflix to dull my pain. That’s when I called my friend complaining about my plight, and even telling her that I felt my way was hidden from the Lord. I did not realize I was quoting Is. 40:26 and should have looked at verses 28,29 for comfort.
But today, I can sit up without feeling sharp pain. So I decided that if I could sit up for a while, I don’t have any excuse to like like a bump on a log and watch Netflix. There is work to be done, and I have to find purpose in the midst of the pain.
So what’s the purpose here? To share with you my struggle to launch my Canadian History curriculum in the midst of disappointment, loss of a loved one, grief, packing, moving to no fixed place, in the winter, in Canada. My heart is heavy and my way is dark. But someone… somewhere… YOU… might be encouraged to walk through your own dark valleys with the help of the people who God has placed in your life at this time.